Monday, November 8, 2010

waiting to exhale

well i don't know if anyone will read this, but i'd like to have a place to put some things out there so here goes.  i had a miscarriage october 8th.  we (my hubby and i) decided to start trying again right away, as both our midwife and our doctor said it was ok to do so, and we for sure wanted to.  so... my period hasn't started yet.  tomorrow is the day of the 2nd pregnancy test - the first one said not pregnant - but that could be either because i'm really not pregnant, or because i tested too soon.  when i was pregnant the first time, i had an early false negative test also, so... 
so i'm not sleeping yet and have been way anxious about this.  i think that i'll feel ok either way, either being pregnant or not - i mean obviously i'd like to be pregnant and have a healthy pregnancy, and a healthy baby; but either way is ok at this point - what's hard for me right now is just not knowing.  i'm sure it's some sort of control issue or other, but it just drives me crzay!  i told my friend dawn that if i'm not pregnant we're having drinks and sushi asap, probably at the same time - but if i am pregnant - it will be wonderful for sure and of course.
anyways...
is this strange for my very first blog post?  i guess i just wanted to have a way to put this out there, and whether anyone reads it or not, atleast these thoughts are tumbling around someplace other than my head.
here's hoping...

1 comment:

  1. Well, maybe not sushi and drinks right away. Maybe wait until you KNOW you're not preggers, if you know what I mean. You came into my life much the same way . . . a time of waiting and hoping and feeling sometimes sad. Maybe that's part of the nestmaking. Are you making a nest? Want to go to Fabricland?

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